....FACTS TO BE TRUMPETED TO THE WORLD....

Friday, August 7, 2009

22 THINGS A NRI DOES........


Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US"

22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.

21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 48 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

Few more important

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one:
1.. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

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ON EMERGENCY, CALL 112


112 (the magic number) is the worldwide Emergency number for Mobile . If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly …this number 112 can be dialed even while the keypad is locked. Try it out.


Mobile phones can be used in countries with different emergency numbers. A traveller visiting a foreign country does not have to know the local emergency numbers, however. The mobile phone and the SIM card have a preprogrammed list of emergency numbers. When the user tries to set up a call using an emergency number known by a GSM(Global System for Mobile communications) phone, the special emergency call setup takes place. The actual number is not even transmitted into network, but the network redirects the emergency call to the local emergency desk. Most GSM mobile phones can dial emergency calls even when the phone keyboard is locked, the phone is without a SIM card, or an emergency number is entered instead of the PIN.

GSM mobile phones have 112 as pre-programmed emergency number which is always available.The SIM card issued by the operator can contain additional country-specific emergency numbers that can be used even when roaming abroad. The GSM network can also update the list of well-known emergency numbers when the phone registers to it.

Using an emergency number recognized by a GSM phone like 112 instead of another emergency number may be advantageous, since GSM phones and networks give special priority to emergency calls. A phone dialing an emergency service number not recognized by it may refuse to roam onto another network, leading to trouble if there is no access to the home network. Dialing a known emergency number like 112 forces the phone to make the call possible on any network.


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Thursday, August 6, 2009

SARDAR's ARE INTELLIGENT TOO


Most times Sardars are portrayed as foolish people. Infact, they are not. They are really hard-working. And in my experience of two years stay @ North India; I have never seen a Sardar begging in the streets .Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication. So, if you find any Sardarji jokes just laugh at it and forget it. Please free the misconception that Sardarjis are insane.

Below are few Intelligent Sardarji jokes. Read them.... love them….

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Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything

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A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.

The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the merican $5,and goes back to sleep.

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A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered..

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.


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A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

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----------By a true Tamilian

NASA AND ITS PEN



When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius.

I did nothing at that time.........

Find out where you are in India


This is just for Joke..

If you ever get lost in india and want to find out where you are, this is the best way of doing just that.

scenario 1
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,then a fourth and they start arguing about who is right - you are in kolkata.

scenario 2
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,sees them and walks on – that's mumbai.

scenario 3
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. the first two get together & beat him up - thats delhi .


scenario 4

two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. a guy comes along and quietly opens a chai stall – that's ahmedabad.


scenario 5

two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. he writes a software program to solve the issue but the fight does not stop because of a bug in the program. That's bangalore .


scenario 6

two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. A guy goes along and quietly says.. that chetaa(brother) doesn't like all this nonsense. peace comes in – that's
thiruvananthapuram….


scenario 7

two guys are fighting. both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. now 50 guys are fighting. you are in hyderabad


scenario 8

two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch.the police come and lathi charge all the people crowded there. someone throws stones at the police. the police throw stones back at the crowd. some people are arrested. damages to the shops nearby. next
day, bandh holiday declared by government ..You are very much in
Chennai...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Wife's Diary VS Husband's Diary (Funny)


WIFE's DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed d***ant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

(Scroll down to see HUSBAND's DIARY)








HUSBAND's DIARY
Today CHENNAI SUPERKINGS lost the match. DAMN IT..!!

Typical lady, think too much..................
 

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